I started this year with a life-changing decision. The decision I’d been wanting for years and the decision I’d been fearing for so long.
I’ve been wanting to quit a company job since I experienced working for a company for 2 years. I used to be very passionate about my job. Providing customer service and solving issues that others can’t.
Seriously, I’m very meticulous when it comes to solving customers issues. In fact, I’ve been getting a lot of feedback from customers about being the only person to resolve their issues after several phone calls.
Those feedback keeps me really going. However, due to a stressful work field, long hours of commute and changes on schedules, my health turned down on me.
Since then I always wanted to stay at home and work if possible. But there are always demons around us, making our confidence low and being doubtful about every possibility you can think of. And we also know that it is totally risky especially when you are a family provider.
What stopped me from quitting my job?
First of all, I totally believed that I am incompetent.
Being undergraduate makes me feel like I have no skills at all to offer as an online freelancer. And having that said I was always eaten by my lack of confidence.
I’m pretty sure that there’s a huge competition on the web that would make my no-degree self kicked off the market.
As a sole provider, I have no rights.
Well, I am the only one who works for my child(well back then I only had one child). I pay bills, rent, food, and all the expenses that you can think of.
Plus being sick of asthma, hyperthyroidism, alopecia, and gout is just worse.
Most of the months, I have to borrow money, until I finally decided just to quit my medications because it’s burying me on a pit of payables.
That lead me to absenteeism and caused me more burden because of unpaid sick leaves as well.
Lack of tools…
If you’ve been a follower of this blog, you might have been aware that I did not have a laptop before. I only blog from a mobile phone, tablet, or company PC.
We used to own one, but not during the time that I was planning to quit my job.
And yes, I tend to sneak on our company PC during break or when it’s avail to blog. Even though it wasn’t allowed.
Given all those factors, made my life miserable. That is very literal.
The next thing happened
I got terminated for being late and absent several times and failed to provide medical certificates because I just can’t F’ing afford it anymore.
I’m so shattered at the time, but I was able to find a new job with higher pay plus FREE FOOD.
But it was just too far from our house. Everything is fine until I got pregnant.
So many issues happened. I’m still unable to save money at all due to my payables from the beginning of time. But there was a light that sparked somehow.
It wasn’t that good but it at least opened a door for me.
This door can be a pitfall but I had to take it.
That door is actually having a credit card. I shouldn’t be taking it because it has a huge credit limit, meaning more chances of unwanted purchases. But I did take it.
I told myself, I should be getting prepared for my exit from my company job and enter freelancing instead.
I’m so eager to buy a Macbook at that time because I know it will be fast and durable. However, my mom didn’t know anything about the new card and she will definitely freak out if she sees an APPLE icon somewhere.
I know, she will because she actually did when I got my very first iPhone.
So I purchased my self a mid-range laptop. It cost a lot, but the device is too slow. Really slow. That’s why I may never buy and ACER ever again.
I had to upgrade its hardware just to be able to use it properly and it cost me 12k for that upgrade.
At the end of the day, I felt the regret of not going with the Macbook 🙁
Two months later, I finally submitted my resignation letter.
2 months later, I got a small part-time freelance job, that I do 2 hours a day. And I know that I will have my salary from my regular job at the end of the month and probably on the next 15th.
So with all courage and empty bank account. I resigned.
They don’t accept immediate resignation but I just had enough and decided not to come back after submitting the letter. I was probably tagged as AWOL but it doesn’t matter to me anymore.
It was tough looking for online jobs, I’m only relying on the last few drops of my paycheck and the few dollars I earn from my first freelance gig.
Things went wrong just weeks after leaving my job.
Then my daughter got sick. She acquired pneumonia and intestinal flu. My mom can still use her HMO card from my work but I wasn’t able to enroll my children with those benefit.
We brought her to a private hospital because I really had feared public hospitals. Praying that Philhealth and government assistance may help. But to our surprise, the doctor’s charge is waaaaayyy too high!
I’ve never seen a doctor’s fee like that. My mom and I have been hospitalized in the past in well-known private hospitals in Cavite but never seen that kind of doctor’s fee. The hospital claims that it is because the doctor is pulmonologist.
Whatever, I’ve been handled by a Pulmo and Endocrinologist in the past.
But thank God there’s always a savior for all the challenges.
Although the act of being saved has something in return, I’m always thankful that we had it.
My mom had to wash out her bank account to help me pay the bills, but she needed the money back.
I had to apply for a loan! But I’m so jobless.
I tried applying for a loan. They disapproved of it, but they called me to end COE. Well, I have a copy of it and technically, my resignation effectivity date hasn’t due and my mom’s HMO is still working. Probably I’m still an active employee.
I sent them my COE and they approved it.
But it was a long process, I had to pawn my phone and laptop to open a checking account since it is required to issue post-dated cheques.
And so I’ve become a TOTAL jobless mom since I lost my first freelancing job.
Since I had to pawn all my devices before I can get my Loan, I wasn’t able to report to my job anymore. I made my client know about my situation, but her need for help can’t wait for me and decided to hire someone else to replace me.
But since it is decided not to go back on Call Centers, I did not.
Despite all those freaking challenges that happened, I embraced them all.
I told my self, I’ll never go back. I love this place we call home, I love full-time sleep, I love seeing my kids, I love no commute days, I love doing my thing and I simply love everything.
My entire loan had helped me keep up for a month, then I got another client. I love her so much because I have the flexibility to work anytime, just hit the max hours per week and have my job well done.
I don’t hoard for online freelance gigs.
Til’ today, I only have one client with 20 working hours a week. I earn almost the same as my old call center job despite lesser work hours. It allows me to pay my bills, loans, and everything. It’s just a matter of confidence in pricing yourself to clients.
The money I earn is just really enough and as usual, no savings yet. But I don’t want to replace commute with exhausting hoarded jobs. At least I’m being able to invest in a few things I can use for my passion(which is this blog.) I was finally able to buy a mirrorless camera. Which we’re also using in our re-launched YouTube Channel. Please subscribe if you haven’t.
At this point, I wanna take care of my self, my kids and spend quality time with them. While I’m also venturing my other skills and learning new stuff. Of course, my number one dream is to write here on my blog forever.
One of my ways to take care of my self is by practicing Yoga
But blogging without networking is not so profitable at all. I’m not so pretty to be a social influencer (hahaha that’s what I always see sorry for the judgment). I’m not really sociable so blogging is not giving me much return financially.
Invest in yourself… Learning is the key!
When I say invest it’s not just about money, it’s also about time. Give yourself a break to think. Learn new things and find a spark from it. Whichever is exciting for you, that is the one for you.
I actually subscribed to SkillShare, to learn the basics and pretended to be an expert about what I learned when applying for a job. And it really helped me gain my first few clients.
Now that I’ve been able to gain experience it is a lot easier to find new clients. I actually had a few before this one client I have but I gave up on them to focus on other things.
You can get 2 months free trial of skillshare here: https://skl.sh/2AowlKr
Love is everywhere
I am sharing this story despite it being long (wondering if someone would ever finish it), to tell everyone, that God is always there for us.
Sometimes the help we need or the miracles He gives is not always delivered the way you expected it to be. You just have to be open with it.
Decision making is always tough but make sure you choose the one that matters to you, the one that your heart wants to pursue. The more your heart wants it the more your brain actively do its own thing to help you achieve it. (Heart is still a metaphor of some kind of part of the brain LOL).
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I been working remotely for awhile, the demons around me have mostly been other people. A lot of people only know the regular 9 to 5, and I never have people who get what I’m doing or understand the amount of work I put in, because I’m doing it from home. And for some, that might be their self; sometimes you do have to confront your fears. What I had to do, is sit down and really plan out how I’m doing succeed, working on growing myself. When you really put in all the necessary work, you will find that success, if it’s your area. And you have to remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
That’s true. It’s nice to work hard and build our own paths. But being a freelancer isn’t for everybody. People usually wanted to be a freelancer to chill without realizing that they would need to put a lot of work before getting to that point. Our home is quite toxic because we have 4 kids living here but the experience is like we have 10.
Anyways what I always believe is that struggle is part of life you just have to choose the struggle that you’d enjoy. So far gaming demons still summons me but I have been better in controlling them ??