I am having soooooo much fun being a stay-at-home mom. Because of that fun, I fell in to a pit of huge shit.
There are tons of things I am supposed to do but I rarely comply on it. And now, I am writing at 1 am. Drinking my third cup of coffee. Trying to figure out how to clean up my mess.
I feel like I am never entitled to all of this enjoyment that I am having but is it really bad to slack for a while? Or did I just do it too much?
When I stopped working, I planned a lot. I thought I could be more focused on it but having no such support makes me go crazy. Don’t you find me crazy now? Writing a blog post as if it is my journal. As if it is a trash bin where I am supposed to do all my trash talk? Cause I find myself like that.
How could I be so focused?
When the people around me still can’t provide me the silence I needed to write or at least look for a job. Or do the job.
I love playing with my kids, I love being close to them. But when it’s time for me to get to work on something, they’re all around me. And when I asked for some time, they would take the children for a while and get back to me after an hour.
Like I needed 8 hours to do things and work, but my mom or husband were like:
“are you not done yet?”
“Can you take the kids?”
“Would you do the dished”
“You’ve been there for hours!”
“Can you prepare for lunch”
“the laundry basket is full”
Oh yeah! I am the mother here, I am supposed to do those things. But what about the tasks I need to get done to make a living. To make money for them?
Don’t get me wrong...
I really love being with them but I am the only one who is supposed to give financial support for them. How I wish they could understand that I didn’t throw my self out of my previous job to do all house chores and wait for a pay check to come. Out of nowhere.
I’ve been a slacker because…
I am super tired! My arms right now feel swollen as if it is my first day on weight lifting training. I usually take lots of rest when I’m tired, I have tons of health issues.
My baby just don’t wanna be away from me even for a meter. I feel the same way but she wants me to carry her ALL THE TIME. It’s pretty cute yet physically tiring.
And the demons are always there for me!
Since my baby and I were always sitting around or lying on the bed, the distractions always poke me. And I just called them demons.
Yeah, if there’s no house chores to do, I am just beside my baby. She looks at me like a bottle of milk that she can grab anytime when she wants some milk.
I’ve been too much addicted again with gaming. I am now at Top 1 Local Server for Rafaela again. I play mobile legends by the way.
Because of that, I added a category on my Facebook page to make my self as a Game Video Creator. I also created a twitch channel. That’s just my way to get a chance in making money out of gaming. Not so assuring job though.
So if you wanna watch my game live streams please follow me on Facebook or Twitch.
I don’t have much viewers. At the same time the GLOBE’s HOME BROADBAND sucks! So being a game streamer could be a challenge for me.
My ISP sucks because their upload speed is like 10% of our download speed. Not advisable for streaming at all. Hopefully I can make a switch in the future.
What’s up with my freelancing
Actually, I thought it is getting better.
My first client (not sure if I told you about it), she was very nice to me at first. When my baby girl got hospitalized, she told me everything is cool with her. Like it doesn’t matte even I am out for a while.
However, when I got back she no longer responds. I had 16$ balance that she hasn’t paid so I asked her to pay if she no longer needs me. She said it was fine but til’ now she hasn’t paid me yet.
But God is always there for us. Someone emailed me and asked me to apply for her(my clients were female). I am so blessed because she initiated the email during the times I feel so upset in applying already. For simple tasks she’ll pay me $4 per hour with 13th-month pay and an increase on the 3rd month and biannual salary and performance review. PART TIME.
I thought it was a daily job and 5 hours a day. Apparently, it isn’t. But, she told me that she’s just trying to figure out the distribution of tasks at the moment.
I am hoping next week I could work in a daily basis. She’s a good payer and she pays earlier than I expect. If this client would give tasks daily, we could at least survive.
Now that I am awake from my dream land
It’s time for me to get back to shape. Not with my body(yay) but with my focus and will.
I am sharing this supposed-to-be-a-journal-entry as a blog post, to share my story. Somehow, sharing things to the public makes someone accountable of accomplishing what she had shared.
Have you experienced this in the past?
If you are experiencing the same thing, let’s try to make a game plan. For those who’ve surpassed this challenge already, please share your thoughts. At least the things you’ve done to beat the slacking beast that was once inside of you.